[j0y] -FreeStyLer-

2004-06-15T11:02:00.000+03:00

-someone out there.

"Don't Tell Me" (avril lavigne)
You held my hand and walked me home I know
While you gave me that kiss it was something like this it made me go ooh ohh
You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears, why did you have to go?
Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love
Guys are so hard to trust
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl?
The one who gives it all away

[Chorus:]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

Don't think that your charm and the fact that your arm is now around my neck
Will get you in my pants I'll have to kick your ass and make you never forget
I'm gonna ask you to stop, thought I liked you a lot, but I'm really upset
Get out of my head get off of my bed yeah thats what I said
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl, the one who, throws it all away

[Chorus]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

This guilt trip that you put me on won't, mess me up I've done no wrong
Any thoughts of you and me have gone away

[Chorus]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

Better off that way
I'm better off alone anyway

2004-06-15T11:00:00.000+03:00

for someone out there.

"My Happy Ending" (avril lavigne)
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

[Chorus x2]

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

2004-06-07T05:55:00.000+03:00

DAY 4(thursday)

tadae.woke up at 7...breakfast.Bible reading...talked to Nicholas during break,then he was like telling me that he wanted to call me yesterday to go out with the group,but he thought i went out so he didn't...i was also looking for him last night...so decided that both of us will go out tonight.lunch,sat the same table with him,then he was asking if i wanted to play basketball with BEN,CHONG WEI,MATTHEW,DAN plus HIM and a few other guys...then i was like *faint*...but i just nodded anyway...but ended up going to cactus point with nic and that bunch of pple and for the first time,i'm not following my sis in cameron anymore...during dinner,i went down first without my sis so i sat at a table alone then nic was at another table then somehow he was apologizing for 'abandoning' me...then at night,another big group of us went for supper.sat beside nicholas and daniel.so was talking to nic the whole time,then jason wanted me to eat something then i was like err...no thanks,then outta nowhere,nic ordered food and said that i'll share with him then arh,that jason arh was like don't share lar,later this whole row of girls look at you then get jealous then i was like what the...?but nic and i still somehow shared it lar,he cut one piece for me,i ate...then i couldn't eat anymore, nic also ate a little and he couldn't eat anymore,ended up giving rahel and johnathan the rest...then he had last minute plans,so nic had to go to stay overnight at his apartment at cameron. said bye...then at night so sian.sis had their own convos,nic wasnt at the hotel,then couldn't talk to him.managed to grab some sleep at 1.30am.oh yeah,that ben and chong wei arh are really twon big and i mean big jokers man,sit with them at the dinner table arh,you just laugh till you can't eat.

2004-06-07T05:49:00.000+03:00

DAY 3(wednesday)

tadae.woke up at 7 plus.went for breakfast.then Bible Reading 1 and 2.afternoon break went to eat ice-cream (at the 20 degrees celcius temperature)with sisters (i'm always with them) and a few others.so cool.then rachel was telling me that nicholas(didn't know him yet,but rach told me about him lar)told her to ask me to talk to himand i was like...hurr?...then during dinner,rachel introduced me to him and him to me,then talked a little cuz he was sitting directly opposite...we could kinda get along well.at night didn't go out..so sian...

2004-06-07T05:34:00.000+03:00

DAY 2(tuesday)

woke up at 7 plus.washed up,went for breakfast.then it was Bible Reading 1 and 2...went to dunno where during the afternoon break.then...went to eat icecream at night with ben they all...then nothing much happened...

2004-05-31T05:20:00.000+03:00

conference starts...today...
DAY 1(monday)

reached cameron at 6.45 am...*faint*

checked in at heritage at about 7 plus,explored the room a little and slept all the way to 12 plus..set off for lunch at some cafe.shopped for provisions till 5...webt back to hotel,met rachel and a few other guys i didn't know...yet.settled some stuff,went for dinner,steamboat...kinda sian.met matthew and he winked and said hi.saw dan but he didn't know me...yet.went for first ministry on the intro of the Tabernacle by mr.Bentley which was real good.then met pple like ben,hannah,chong wei,pau ling,en ling and a few others.saw gideon and eugiene too:) went out for supper with lotsa pple and that's when dan knew me.went back at about 12 then slept...

2004-05-29T09:41:00.000+03:00

WeiRd inTeRviEw

-list of favourite songs-
same old brand new you(A1)
bye bye bye(n'sync)
it's tearin' up my heart(n'sync)
baby boy(kelly rowland)
breathe(michelle branch)
try(nelly furtado)
cuts deep inside(c21)
she cries(c21)
it's gotta be you(backstreet boys)
the one(backstreet boys)
invisible(clay aiken)
this time around(unknown)
left outside alone(anastasia)
list goes on...

-list of favourite movies-
lord of the rings
the new guy
freaky friday
shrek

-list of bags you own-
1 adidas bagpack
1 adidas sling bag
1 nike tube bag
1 adidas tube bag
1 unknown sling bag

-list of shoes you own-
1 fila track shoes
2 canvas shoes
1 nike track shoe
1 unknown track shoe

-list of caps you own-
3 nike caps
1 dkny cap

-list of water bottles you own-
2 adidas bottles
1 nike bottle

-list of books you own-
err...do textbooks count?

2004-05-27T12:13:00.000+03:00

Lyric : a1 - Same Old Brand New You
Album : The A list

I can still remember the time
You were there when I needed to
Hold you feel you
Everytime I ask you to find a new way
You lie a new way
Is it gone gone gone gone gone

You'll change you'll never change
You're never never gonna keep your promises

You said you'd change but I'm afraid
It's something I won't live to see
It seems so strange
That sometimes fate
Can appear to be so real and yet turn out to be a fantasy

Same old line
One more time
Say you're gonna be
There for me
Say you'll change
Change you're ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game (you know it doesn't turn me on)
Brand new day (singing that same old song)
No more lies (if you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone,gone)

Another night another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break you're promises in two
What can I do
When you're the same old brand new you

You'll change, you'll never change
You're never, never gonna keep your promises

Because of you
I guess we're through
Is this the way it has to be
I've been a fool (I've been a fool)
A fool for you (a fool for you)
But I've got better things to do
Than let you walk all over me

Same old line
One more time
Say you're gonna be
There for me
Say you'll change
Change you're ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game (you know it doesn't turn me on)
Brand new day (singing that same old song)
No more lies (if you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone,gone)

Another night another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break you're promises in two
What can I do
When you're the same old brand new you

I can still remember the time
You were there when I needed to
Hold you, feel you
Everytime I ask you to find a new way
You lie a new way
Is it gone, gone,gone,gone,gone

You'll change, you'll never change
You're never, never gonna keep your promises

Same old line
One more time
Say you're gonna be
There for me
Say you'll change
Change you're ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game (you know it doesn't turn me on)
Brand new day (singing that same old song)
No more lies (if you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone,gone)

Another night another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break you're promises in two
What can I do
When you're the same old brand new you

2004-05-26T09:22:00.000+03:00

MY....
>:x: name = joy
>:x: piercings = none
>:x: tattoos = none.don't want any.
>:x: height = 162
>:x: shoe size = err...6?
>:x: hair color = black
>:x: siblings = 5
>LAST...
>:x: movie you rented = don't rent movies.
>:x: movie you bought = don't buy movies
>:x: song you listened to = n'sync- bye bye bye
>:x: song that was stuck in your head = a1- same old brand new you
>:x: cd you bought = err.don't remember.
>:x: person you've called = my mama.
>:x: person that's called you = diane
>:x: tv show you've watched = incredible tales
>:x: person you were thinking of = everybody...?
>DO...
>:x: you have a crush on someone = yeah.
>:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = no.
>:x: you think about suicide = no.why should i?
>:x: you believe in online dating = no.don't last.
>:x: others find you attractive = no idea.
>:x: you want more piercings = don't wanna have.
>:x: you like cleaning = probably.
>:x: you like roller coasters = definitely.
>:x: you write in cursive or print = print.
>FOR OR AGAINST...
>:x: long distance relationships = fine with me.
>:x: using someone = AGAINST
>:x: suicide = AGAINST
>:x: killing people = neutral
>:x: teenage smoking = against
>:x: driving drunk = against
>:x: gay/lesbian relationships = against
>:x: soap operas = neutral
>HAVE YOU...
>:x: ever cried over a girl = no.
>:x: ever cried over a boy = no.
>:x: ever lied to someone = yes.
>:x: ever been in a fist fight = yes.for fun.
>:x: ever been arrested = no.i'm a good girl.
>WHAT...
>:x: shampoo do you use = vs
>:x: shoes do you wear = canvas/fila
>:x: are you scared of = God.
>NUMBER...
>:x: of times I have been in love? = never counted
>:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = none.
>:x: of girls I have hugged? = 7...i think.
>:x: of boys I have hugged?= 2
>:x: of girls I have kissed? = none.
>:x: of boys I have kissed? = none.
>:x: of girls I've slept (in a bed) with? = SICK...none.
>:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with
my life type friends = err...15.around there.
>:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = 1
>:x: of scars on my body? = 1
>:x: of things in my past that I regret? = too many.
>DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
>:x: shuai= no.not for me.
>:x: funny = a little.more of the lame side.
>:x: hot = no.
>:x: friendly = yeah.
>:x: amusing = no.
>:x: ugly = think so.
>:x: loveable = seen from diff. points of view.
>:x: caring = sometimes.
>:x: sweet = sometimes.
>:x: dorky = probably.
>FAVORITE:
>:x: 5 letter word: rocks
>:x: actor/actress: aj trauth
>:x: Candy: lots
>:x: Cartoon: err...dexter and lab...?
>:x: Cereal: no fave.
>:x: Color: no preference
>:x: Day of week: saturday
>:x: Least fave day: monday
>:x: Flower: roses
>:x: Jello flavor: dunno
>:x: Jewelry: choker
>:x: Special skills/talents: can shout real loud.
>:x: Summer/Winter: winter
>:x: Trampolines or swimming pools: like both.
>|| You ||
>:x: Nickname(s): tu 2.
>:x: Initials: JF
>:x: How old do you look?: no idea.
>:x: How old do you act?: 7 year old kid.
>:x: Glasses/Contacts: glasses(though i choose not to wear)
>:x: Braces?: nopes
>:x: Do you have any pets?: hamsters,fishes and terrapins.
>:x: You get embarrassed: yeah.
>:x: What makes you happy?: seeing people happy makes me smile.
>:x: What upsets you?: when people are upset too.
>|| Finish the sentence: |
>:x: I Love to... do lotsa stuff.
>:x: I Miss... everything.
>:x: I Wish... to have the ability to change the world.
>:x: I Hope... to have another sibling.
>:x: I'm Annoyed by... irritating people who dunno that they are irritating.
>:x: I Am... a girl.
>:x: I Want to Be... a dj.
>:x: I Would Never... want to leave my family.
>:x: I'd Rather... watch tv than do homework.
>:x: I Am Tired of... studying.
>:x: I Will Always be... a friend.
>|| Have you ever.. ||
>:x: Thought you were going to die: no.
>:x: Wanted to Run away: no.probably, but no impression.
>:x: Flunked a grade: no.
>:x: Skipped a grade: no.

2004-05-24T11:48:00.000+03:00

mandy moore--crush

you know everything that i'm afraid of
you do everything i wish i did
everybody wants you,everybody loves you
i know i should tell you how i felt
i wish everyone would disappear
every time you call me,i'm too scared to be me
and i'm too shy to say

*ooh,i got a crush on you
i hope you feel the way that i do
i get a rush
when i'm with you
ooh,i've got a crush on you
a crush on you

you know,i'm the one that you can talk to
and sometimes you tell me things that i don't want to know
i just want to hold you
and you say exactly how you feel about her
and i wonder,could you ever think of me that way

*

2004-05-22T23:35:00.000+03:00

today was tiring.at first,went to west mall at about 11am to 4+.shopped and shopped and shopped.went home,watch tv,bathe...then adrian came over to get me and my sis to alvin's place for barbecue.then my sis was kinda toturing him in the car(didn't know she was so violent)he drive car like so lax and i really mean LAX...it's as if he's playing play station...reached alvin's place...believe he had a hard time starting the fire.adrian started cooking and jun hong came over then yong xiang came...then clarissa came(omigosh)with keith...(worst)they only stayed for a while.then we crapped so much.we went to playground after that which was like 10+ already.then yongxiang were telling some lame jokes...then we crapped more...oh yeah,yong xiang should seriously join s'pore idol.he has a really great voice.not really but he can sing quite well...then we asked him he was like i know my limits...but actually he'll never know how far he can get if he don't even try.then went back to alvin's to clear stuff.then played bridge.yong xiang was teaching me(yes,i'm that lousy till i don't even know how ta play bridge) though i didn't really get it...he's nice man...err,all of 'em are nice...bubs...

2004-05-20T11:58:00.000+03:00

err...before i start on anything else, this is to *ahem!, i hope you know who you are.
there are nice pple in our school, not everyone is as bad as you think they are.and just those few nice ones will allow you to survive secondary life...self-centered is just the surface of everything you see.i believe the have their 'niceness' somewhere...perhaps unrevealed...perhaps revealed,just that you don't know.secondary school is for you to enjoy not suffer.so look on the bright side.i believe you have met pple who are really nice and passes only once in a lifetime.i think that the 'cool' clique is just an example you'll meet next time when you step out of school life...serieously.life is the same with or without that bunch of pple.just that it's up to you if you want their existence to affect your life...

whee...man,just gonna flunk all my tests.just so many things going through my head...so many things happening at the wrong tme...can't take it already...*help...*
-pigs are climbing trees.

2004-05-17T13:02:00.000+03:00

look...pigs are climbing trees...
-joshua(my brudder)

pigs are climbing trees -joshua

2004-05-17T12:58:00.000+03:00

yo yo,so long didn't blog already.just changed my layout...not bad.
peeps,give comments...no more time,bubs

2004-05-07T20:46:00.000+03:00

ehh...things were kinda bad today cuz of NP.we knew who our PNCOs were and one of them like keep pin-pointing me as if i offended her greatly.didn't even wanna look at her.drills were really tough with 5 more ma'ams excluding kezia ma'am. and they said i kept hesitating about the timing for drills...it's like DUH rite,as if *snap and my brain knows what to do...(since they think i'm so lousy...then pick someone else lar...) wasn't in the best of moods today...did sprint-jog for pt today.so tiring after everything...bubs...

2004-05-06T16:01:00.000+03:00

wahh,muscle aching...after napfa.so disppointing.i could get 29 points instead of 27...and it was all missed by 1 to the better grade...had a softball game today.i was running then i slipped and slide to the third base...it was so fun...whee...we were playing in the drizzle...which was so rare...had morning jog indoors...worse than on the track...
bubs...

2004-04-29T11:52:00.000+03:00

finished 2.4 today...got A....but my timing not good enough,i knew i could do better...
2 DJs came to our school today...from 88.3fm...(...a thunder in the sunny weather just went off...dunno what's going on...) they were pretty nice,one was jeff the other was...???...dunno...but they were practically giving free autographed cds...so cool...then there was a 'presentation' about the sec 3s...wen jian was in 3 of the slides...seem so popular...
bubye...

2004-04-28T14:03:00.000+03:00

...i just freaked out yesterday....i never freaked out like that before...to outsider-life for you is as bad as it is for me...so don't worry too much...guess i need to talk to someone too...just found out no mid-year,can lax...for a while...bubye...

2004-04-27T12:07:00.000+03:00

yoo...today was totally awesome dude,err,ok lar...had art,drawing guitars and stuff,quite cool...ehh...my new english teacher is kinda weird...still prefer ms.Nura much better,but i'll try to adapt to it asap lar.nothing much happened today though...guess which is why it's much better...got to train up for napfa(on thursday)...2.4k...sick...hate it...
i love C21...

2004-04-24T09:45:00.000+03:00

i was kinda stressed up during NP today cuz we learnt so many new drills and i have to do the timing and it just can't get into my head and especially when yuhan ma'am(hope i spelled her name correctly...)was there...i was undergoing pressure at that time...weird...i was never stressed before...anyway...so tired that when i reached home i slept for 2 hours...
just found out that the last mising person in the nicolle highway collapse was the person who 'saved' the rest of the construction workers...and they plan to leave him unfound cuz if they continue searching the highway will continue to collapse...so remember to treasure life when you're still on earth cuz you never know when you may go or even anyone close to you...just remember how lives can be lost so easily but so hard to overcome the loss of it...

2004-04-22T10:33:00.000+03:00

...so sad,my english teacher is leaving...quite a few peeps cried after knowing that she's leaving.for the first time...i don't want her to leave...*loss for words*...
angie lant me a stack of cds...all that i wanted...thanks lots...
really wonder what to blog these few days...still listening to the sound of silence...

2004-04-21T14:43:00.000+03:00

...angie came over today...it's damn sian...
listen to the sound of silence around...it's deafening...
nothing to do...nobody is online now...
school was pathetically nothing...only had chinese and a bit of geog...the rest were absent...that's why nothing to say...so bubye...

2004-04-20T23:03:00.000+03:00

practically didn't have leeson today...but didn't bring my discman lar...so sian...
hmmm...hmmm...hmmm...hmmm...err,dunno what to say...
oh yeah,class is changing sitting arrangement...accidentally pissed mich off by telling her i wanted to switch...sorry mich...
nothing to say already...ciao...

2004-04-18T11:33:00.000+03:00

nothing happened much today but i daydreamed lots....
oh yeah,and to oUtsiDeR...thanks very much...love ya lots:)...as a friend...hees...
bubye now...

2004-04-17T23:15:00.000+03:00

sports' day...1 of the worst day of my life...it was as bad as i thought...i think...
it was very crowded...very...and it was hot...and...there,beside me...was my sister...whining and complaining...but at least i managed to get through it...so that was it...and the winners deserved their trophies and blah blah blah...that's it....yeah...
bubye now...

2004-04-16T19:48:00.000+03:00

yyeeooo...
had npcc today...while doing drills,we had crushed dried leaves in our hands to make sure we clench our fist...it's weird...and pain...it's sorta okay though i still think my drills is very ...si bai...then we had pt...according to 'luck'...and my group did geometry for 2 min in the 45 degree position...amazingly,i survived...
tried talking to krys...aiyah...forget it...i'm suppose to stay happy...according to my 'good friend',oUtsiDeR...
going for sports' day tomorrow...don't even wanna think about it...
bubye...

2004-04-15T12:47:00.000+03:00

feeling much better now...after a few pple's 'comfort'...and it's weird that pple whom i don't know very well comforts me...yeah,but thanks anyway...
ran 8 rounds today...didn't know i could survive...it was great though...
can't wait till tomorrow...friday...yeah man,but don't feel like going for sports' day at all...sick lar...don't think there's anything there which is worth going for...only makes you lose your voice after screaming and cheering...not as enthu as last time already...

2004-04-13T12:26:00.000+03:00

i never felt so weird before...as in like i'm missing the times i had with krys...just so sad larhs...it's really a pity to let the friendship go like that...but she's the one acting cold...towards me...and i just don't understand why...i've tried to apologise to her time and time again but she's just so..............
she's really a great friend to be with...really sad to let it go...

Don't Wanna Lose You Now--backstreet boys

I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you, baby
Girl if only I knew what I've done
You know, so why don't you tell me
And I, I would bring down the moon and the sun
To show how much I care

Chorus:
Don't wanna lose you now
Baby, I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no, or ever again

I've got this feeling you're not gonna stay
It's burning within me
The fear of losing
Of slipping away
It just keeps getting closer, baby
Whatever reason to leave that I've had
My place was always beside you
And I wish that I didn't need you so bad
Your face just won't go away

Chorus

I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you

Don't want to lose to loneliness
Girl I know we can win
Don't want to lose to emptiness, oh no
Never again

Chorus

2004-04-11T15:49:00.000+03:00

err....got nothing to say about...oh yeah...to dexter:you are so cool...and looking forward to your 'prize presentation' for the CH awards...all the best to you...and i'm supporting you...

2004-04-10T11:15:00.000+03:00

yeeooo...
just came back from the library...so crowded...
man,my sis(younger) is just so....RAARRR...can't stand her...i never can and never will...
oh yeah.louis,if you're reading...just wanted to tell you that you're such a great guy...hees...
sick lar...nothing to say already...and i didn't see dion yesterday at the cinema...thought that he would go...neither did i see christopher...but nvm lar....and titus...can you just write a testimonial...if you're seriously waiting to be paid...dream on...
....my bro not back yet...wanna play basketball with him like...now...or just get straight to the drums...
arrgghhh,my sis(younger) just started singing...listening to her sing is torture...
bye...

2004-04-09T06:23:00.000+03:00

today went with the ycs(including other schools) group to watch the gospel of john...it was long...very...3 hours and it was freezing cold...saw the 'ienxiu alike'...he's piggy...they are practically 'twins'...have the same character...in a way...same hairstyle and look quite alike....i must get both of them to meet each other...no matter what it takes.and alvin was wearing this cool black shirt which er ge has also...(er ge always look cool in black...a bit lar...)nothing to say about the rest of the activities...bubye...

yyeeeerrrrr

2004-04-08T17:02:00.000+03:00

yo...
just 'talked' to this guy,jason,he's really nice...and quite cool too...
ran 7 rounds today...tired but it's good lar...not bad...watched an extract of the passion of Christ today...in school... my gosh...it was really errrr.....errrr......errrrr....dunno....nvm....i'm lame...people who read my blog, tag my board can? it's so pathetic...anyway...tomorrow is holiday...enjoy...
oh yeah...i think my friendship with krys just ended...
yeerrrr....hate it when i have nothing to say...bubye*said reluctantly*....

2004-04-07T17:40:00.000+03:00

yeah man...changed my layout...it like took forever to get a suitable one...but i think it's not bad...
still hating physics...prefer bio much more...
had chinese test today...tried to complete everything with...err...mistakes...
can't wait till friday when we have npcc...(wonder why i'm thinking that...)
raarr...tomorrow have mornig jog...+ pe...the thought of it makes me sick...
weird...suddenly feel like playing soccer...
just blogged about Bible camp cuz got nothing to blog about...

back to...history...

2004-04-07T13:21:00.000+03:00

hmm...Bible camp...year 2003...
1st part
reached there in the afternoon...with titus and er jie...
we had briefing...then ice-breaking
found out that almost everbody was younger than 20...except...some pple....
ien xiu was there...er ge wasn't there...which is quite sad...but i kept him company...haha...
met a guy called john...
then played netball...we did...almost everyday...for 1 hour++...which was so fun
then gospel meeting started...not bad...i manage to 'enrich' myself...
supper...crapped until 2+ then sleep...we sleep at that time...everyday there...
err....dunno what to say leh...english camp '02 has more stuff to blog about...
man,i'm drifting so far...back...
k...anyway...

day 1...
everything was a rush when we reach there...everything...we ate,bathed,changed and rushed for the first Bible study...cuz it started already when we reached there...when it ended,felt so weird cuz i practically did not know anyone...
the 1st day went like that...
day 2
more familiar with everything that is going on...after knowing some pple like eunice...michelle...rachel...emelynn...really nice pple...
then there was morning's Bible study...i could understand a bit...here and there..
that's about it...for day 2...
day 3
this was 1 of the more interestin day..i met more pple...i met this guy called matthew(he's really 'cool')...then sean...he's a very nice guy...tall...he became my 'dad'...he still is...and he's only...err...18...and i was with matt and stuff...then during lunch i met emeric...he was standing in front of me and suddenly turned to say i look like vicky zhao (...?)then we started talking...at night,met this cool dude...andrew...very nice guy...'took care' of me..sort of...err...don't really remember how...
day 4
can't remember anything on that day....err....nothing leh....
day 5
matt left...couldn't stick to him anymore...so i was with sean...k....still got...nothing....
day 6
we went to some 'field' to play soccer...there was this rule which said that only girls can score...i'm so glad that i scored twice.................i think................yeah, so...sean was my opponent and i was defending...then the girls of his team were outta sight and he went...where are my girls?then i went 'ahem'...(or something like that)...and he went...oh sorry,...baby...cuz he was my 'dad'...which is so cool...(err...sort of...)
then it was the last night so we went around asking pple to sign photo...then it was time to sleep...so when i was walking up the stairs...'dad' hugged me goodnight...(i'm so proud of him...haha...)...then i think i started crapping with the girls before we slept...
day 7...last day...
felt so hard to get outta bed...couldn't remember much...oh yeah,...ien xiu made his way dowm to the Gospel Hall for the camp cuz er ge went...so sweet...anyway...just before leaving...went around asking for last minute autographs...then had to go...sean hugged me again...(he's so nice...)before i left...then i felt quite reluctant to leave cuz if i'm not wrong...we were the first batch to leave...so...like that lar...then i found out that zend was studying in s'pore (cuz the camp is in m'sia)...i am...so slow...k...yeah...that's about it...this feels as if i'm writing compo...dots...

everywhere--michelle branch

2004-04-06T10:01:00.000+02:00

turn it inside out so i can see
the part of you that's drifting over me
and when i wake you're never there
but when i sleep you're everywhere
you're everywhere

just tell me how i got this far
just tell me why you're here and who you are
cuz everytime i look you're never there
and when i sleep you're always there

cuz you're everywhere to me
and when i close my eyes it's you i see
you're everything i know that makes me believe
i'm not alone
i'm not alone

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

I am not alone
Whoa, oh, oooh, oh

And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath it's you I breathe
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?

lord of the rings...rock...all of 'em...

2004-04-06T09:38:00.000+02:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAITING
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHANG WEI

yo...again...
i apologized to her...and what does she do?! she ignores me and is still pissed...wadeva...
my physics teacher is....err....lousy?...she don't have the voice nor the potential to be a teacher...her lesson is so boring...yun sheng still turned around and told me...(during her lesson)...i don't like her style of teaching...that's so correct...seriously,i think i'm just gonna fail my physics...i prefer 'cheap snails'(only pple from my class and 1d will know...) to teach...her lesson may be quite sian sometimes but she's so nice..and cute...(err...)...yeah,a bit lar...
i'm drifting from timnpp...no comments...doesn't really make a diff. to my life...though i sorta miss them...but it's okay...i...guess....
biez...

me

2004-04-05T11:50:00.000+02:00

simple plan--perfect

hey dad look at me
think back and talk to me
did i grow up according to plan?
do you think i'm wasting my time doing things i wanna do?
cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along
and now i try hard to make it
i just wanna make you proud
i'm never gonna be good enough for you
i can't pretend that i'm alright
and you can't change me

chorus
cuz we lost it all
nothing last forever
i'm sorry i can't be
perfect
now it's just too late and
we can't go back
i'm sorry i can't be perfect

i try not to think
about the pain i feel inside
did you know you used to be my hero?
all the days you spent with me
now seem so far away
and it feels like you don't care anymore
and now i try hard to make it
i just want to make you proud
i'm never gonna be good enough for you
i can't stand another fight
and nothing's all right

chorus

nothing's gonna change the things that you said
nothing's gonna make this right again
please don't turn your back
i can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
cuz you don't understand

chorus (x2)

the un-perfect me

2004-04-05T11:14:00.000+02:00

yo peeps...
i still feel bad...couldn't get through the day properly...and nobody's helping or even give a d***...i didn't really care either but i can't get over the guilt...just not feeling right...can't stand it...
can't stand the people in ycs...the monday group is so much better...so much...
yun sheng is pissed with me too,well...sort of...
what can i say...nothing...just that i can't please the whole world...i've done what i could...i'm just not perfect...

to...(you know who you are...)

2004-04-04T16:00:00.000+02:00

i hate myself...i made someone pissed with me...i don't wanna mention who...but i feel so so bad...
if the person is reading...i want to tell you that i didn't really mean what i say...those were words in anger...and i am so d*** sorry if i hurt your feelings or anything but everything was a misunderstanding...i am so so so sorry...if there was anything i could do to make it up to you...i'll do it...
sorry...

too much to ask

2004-04-03T06:39:00.000+02:00

avril lavigne--too much to ask

it's the first time i ever felt this lonely
i wish someone could cure this pain
its funny when you think its gonna work out
til you chose weed over me,you're so lame
i thought you were cool until the point
but up until the point you didn't call me
when you said you would
i finally figured out you're all the same
always coming up with some kind of story

everytime i try to make you smile
you're always feeling sorry for yourself
everytime i try to make you laugh
you can't
you're too tough
you think you're loveless
IS THAT TOO MUCH I'M ASKING FOR?

i thought you'd come around when i ignored you
so i thought you'd have the decency to change
but babe,i guess you didn't take the warning
cause i'm not about to look at your face again

can't you see that you lie to yourself
you can't see the world through a mirror
it won't be too late when the smoke clears
cuz i,i am still here

but everytime i try to make you smile
you'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself
everytime i try to make you laugh
you stand like a stone
alone in your zone
IS IT TOO MUCH THAT I'M ASKING FOR?

boredom....

2004-04-03T05:51:00.000+02:00

life s*** (i decided to watch my words more)
today was tiring...very...went door to door conveying crime prevention msg.some pple were so rude.
oh yeah,rebekah 'dao' me...she gave me this feeling:joy,you are not suppose to be here,so...scram... but i don't blame her for doing that cuz i know i'm irritating (but i did not know that i'm THAT irritating) but i don't mind anyway...
val,lu and krys went to macs without me...they did not even tell me...but i decided not to give a d***.i can only blame myself for having friends who ditch me...
ALL THE BEST TO THE SEC 2s FOR THE SHOOTING!!

the way...

2004-04-02T12:55:00.000+02:00

this is for SOMEONE...no lar....for everybody i know....kudos to ya.
i love you all so much...:)

Clay Aiken--the way

there's something 'bout the way
you look tinight
there's something 'bout the way that
i can't take my eyes off you

there's somethin' 'bout the way your lips invite
maybe it's the way that i get nervous when you're around

and if i need you to be mine
and if you need a reason why

it's in the way you move me
and the way you tease me
that way i want you tonight

it's the way that you hold me
and the way that you know me
and when i can't find the right words to say
you feel it in the way
oh,feel it in the way

mood swings...

2004-04-02T12:36:00.000+02:00

man...i feel so much better today...
i love TIMNPP...having mood swings lor...never mind
found out about the service day groups...i'm in grp 1 lor....why must they always put me first?can't stand it...and...my group combine with grp 2.there's huijun,xiang lin, lucia and lydia ma'am(there's this sec 3 ma'am whom i don't know...)looking forward to the fun...not conveying the whatever crime prevention msg...
my layout looks nicer although it is still plain....at least it is better
guess what...i sent aaron,andrew,ien xiu,titus,er ge,desmond,...the same msg 10+ times lor...nevermind...
bubbye....whee....

...me...

2004-04-01T10:54:00.000+02:00

backstreet boys--shape of my heart

sadness is beautiful,
loneliness is tragical
so heal me,
i can't win this war,
touch me now,
don't bother,
if every second it makes me weaker,
you can save me from the GIRL i've become.
looking back on the things i've done
i was trying to be someone
who played my part
kept you in the dark
now let me show you the shape of my heart.

i am... NOW

2004-04-01T10:51:00.000+02:00

my FEELINGS are HURT
my HEART BROKE.....into pieces (dots?)
i HATE myself for being ME

just...hurt....

i'm...electrified....

2004-04-01T10:42:00.000+02:00

...dots...today was sickeningly tiring...
i feel 'ditched' (dunno what other word to use) when i'm with the clique...i'm always the one who is not informed about everything...mostly the meetings...maybe i shouldn't go at all...i'm pissed (am i ever?)...i'm changing ...into a....pissed person (?)...because of this...i feel bad about 'complaining' and stuff but now that the clique knows my character...it may be better this way...man,krys is getting influenced by rebekah and is starting to hug everybody...except me...whatever the reason is...i don't give a damn...

SUCKS lar...
i'm PISSED...
i HATE MYSELF
i DON'T give a DAMN
i CAN'T STAND IT....

...dots...rock...

2004-03-31T11:57:00.000+02:00

sucks man...i didn't blog for...eerrr...don't know how many days already lar...
we had illegal gatherings in school for dunno how many times already...just did it again today...but it's damn obvious that the sec 2s shows favouritism lar...but they just denied it...whatever...the feeling or just the thought of it sucks lar...it is like...i wrote a letter to them and pass it to them on the same day as lu and val but it's like they got replies already lor...twice somemore...forget it, anyway,i don't give a damn...actually,i do....sorta...
oh yeah,HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRYS, though i know you won't be reading
yongxiang came over on saturday...he's damn sweet lor...sort of lar...he bought supper...wonder why he's not attached...
met this really nice guy...'a 98 year old RI security guard'?that's what he call himself lar when he's only 15...
just knew more about titus yesterday...he found a job....congrats...work hard...
bubbye...

[*j0y*]

i'm pissed...

2004-03-27T12:37:00.000+02:00

today sorta sucked...pt rocks (weird...)...drills rock (weird...)...first aid sucks...i almost slept during the whole session...
another weird thing happened,i'm starting to think some np pple i use to like are starting to suck...so damn bad.... don't wanna mention names here...but.....nvm...
oh man....teacher gave such a bad combination for service day...a sec 1,2,3,4 in each grp...luiza,krys and val were like being asked everywhere lor...like the gang of us including dan and rebekah and a few others...i'm the most pathetic....just can't stand them sometimes (oh yeah,....i pissed dan off today....)...maybe that gang don't suit me....but the problem is....after we became a gang....krys and i drifted so damn far apart....it's like...krys is everyone's fave now...it's just unfair to me lar....not that i'm jealous or what but it's affecting our friendship...of course she doesn't think that way cuz she's not in my position.....then who i wanted as partners for sec 2 were taken...i don't give a damn...but the gang of dan,rebekah,luiza,val,krys and me has now became dan,luiza,rebekah,val and krys....that's it...
i hate you...i'm pissed....obviously....so i'm saying that....

wassup,doods?

2004-03-26T00:00:00.000+02:00

today was cool sia...slack around for err...4+ hours in school today...hanged out with wox,danielle,rebekah, krys,luiza,val,enid,huijun,jessicaand xinhui...we crapped so much.it was sorta an 'illegal' meeting cuz in np, sec 1s were not suppose to bond with sec 2s (i don't understand why...)we talk so much...enid practically went bonkers (we said she looks like a penguin...dunno why...)that was the fun part.the other part was before thatwas them talking...,me....sleeping...in the canteen.whee,it was damn shuang lor...i love np sia...and the pple most...haha...the pple---danielle,rebekah,huijun,enid,meiling,liping,xinhui,siew en,jesicca,shuxiang,soh teng,xiang lin,joanna,shann,celine. sec 1s---krys,val,luiza...damn pathetic...
gotta go...buaiz...

pigs fly...yet again...

2004-03-25T11:13:00.000+02:00

yo...today was not bad...just sian...again...got rebekah something for her b'day...something...
school was sorta interesting today except morning jog...which is such a sickening thing to do...hate it...p.e. was totally boring...standing broad jump...sit-ups...sick...pple quit np lor...really wonder why...maybe they can't take the training...but np rules...
there was this interesting person from some media stuff came to our school to talk...unprepared (obviously...)...he interviewed michael owen and ronaldo before...cool...(that's what he said lar...)
....i was given $1.75 to split between 24 np pple lor...stupid...didn't do anything to it...don't want to...
whee....so excited...??tomorrow staying back to slack around with krys,huijun,danielle,rebekah,val,enid,... ah...so cool...i'm hyper now...not really...yeah man...the week...and month is ending soon...looking forward to conference...(sad, sean not going...)...haven't seen him for 3 yrs already...

[*joy*]...

sian

2004-03-24T12:18:00.000+02:00

today...went to samantha's house to do project and stuff...i think jonathan is damn nice man...as in like i think he's like 'er ge'(my bro)...or maybe nicer...but he's one of the nicer brothers i know...i scolded natalie ong today...haha....it was 1 of the nicest feeling i had...i feel so mean...but she deserves it...too bad...
met lotsa sec 2 ma'ams during recess today...liping,huijun,meiling,...(ma'am...)
....sian again...have to memorize a stupid paragraph for english...i chose john grisham's the testament...it's really interesting...
nothing to talk about already....buaiz...

[*joy*]

no nothing...

2004-03-23T11:17:00.000+02:00

yo...today was ermm...not bad...much better than yesterday...krys ignored me today morning lor...starting to dislike her a lot...haven't got the cd yet...bro's been rather busy with cjc orientation stuff.he can't stand the orientation...too bad for him...art was great today manx...we used the i-books (so preveliged)
and i skipped ycs today...for no reason...i think i wanna quit...it's not helping at all lor...it's like wasting my time and it's such a useless and extra thing...but it's the only way for me to know new pple currently...no Bible camps,no nothing...and the pple there are like....they suck lar...except for 1 or 2....the rest suck totally...sickening...
argh...nothing to write...oh yeah, i wrote to danielle...she wrote back and rebekah wants me to write too... i mean...just do it lar...
. . . . . . . .nothing to write about...buaiz.....

[-*j0y*-]

pigs fly...

2004-03-22T18:40:00.000+02:00

today wasn't what i expected it to be...it just wasn't right...my feelings were sorta hurt...(do i sound very emotional?)we had 'basketball session' today...me,krystal, danielle,xiang lin,valerie and rebekah (i'm making this sound formal...)went to play b ball...everyone was like so slack...then only left the sec 2s playing... krystal,valerie and i were talking...they were like ignoring me and stuff...didn't care what i was saying nor asking...i felt...ermm...hurt...not really... then no one cared...at all...maybe what i did for krystal is just not what she deserves for her b'day...
then...there's this girl who goes aound saying that i am stalking another girl...ermm, me?stalking another girl...?...illogical...i was very insulted...very...

oh yeah...ms ho and my chinese teacher sucks....big time...

[pigs fly...*j0Y*]

2004-03-22T07:00:00.000+02:00

today...went to church...can't understand why titus won't stop smiling...(but that's good...)after that, me and my brother watched lord of the rings part 2/3...(a bit outdated...)it was like forever...but the effects were really good...i didn't really understand the story though...
krys hung up on me...(that's really bad)because she wanted to study man...arghh...
*sian*...going back to school tomorrow...haven't even finish homework...(i don't really give a damn...)
oh man...can't believe that my sister miss my mum so much that she actually cut out her from a family photo...she's sick...
things were quite okay today...just sian...just too many things in my head...too many....weird...Ivan is from chinese high,yet he takes time to go online(that's good)...he's really cool man...and krys studies so hard...anyway,still thinking of what cake to get for her birthday...

[*sian*]...*j0y*

2004-03-20T23:12:00.000+02:00

yo...again...loads to talk about...JTC first...

Day 1
swearing in ceromony was damn sian...then we had this captains ball game between us and chong boon sec 2 lor...got thrashed by them...(obviously)... it's like we took so long just to score a pathetic point and that's all...sad man...but at lest we scored...krys could not believe we lost...
then we went to the forum...the ma'ams checked our bags and stuff...guess what she found...sleeping bag(for goodness sake,it's JTC...)nvm...
then we did tent-pitching(whee,the pegging...me and krys likes it,pple actually find it weird that we do...)then huijun(ma'am)called for volunteers,no one went out,only 1...
then....we had lunch,i didn't cook or eat much cuz my group had trouble with the shoe rack...the poles were too long to stand(sort of....)me and rebekah were there for about 30mins...only and the ma'ams wanted us to eat and get the others to continue...then we left but i wasn't hungry yet i was not allowed to go and help to continue...
next was 'topo'(my brother said it is supposed to be pioneering...?)sian man....the whole group wasn't enthu...worst still,we had yh ma'am,evelyn ma'am and ?? ma'am...yeah...and krys was like hungry throughout the whole thing...she ate....and ate.... and ate....we only got 6 pathetic checkpoints out of 20....
....we ate dinner....nothing much happened....except that i got scolded by kz ma'am for leaving the pirst aid pouch in the tent(ow,that was bad...)
....sing-along session...sick...then celine went hyper...because of krys and me...
...evaluation...sick,i was half-asleep.......with.....stephanie ma'am staring at me.... that is kinda scary...although she's quite nice....then i had to go home...could not join them for night duty...quite sad....had to go home for church the next day....

Day 2
i was rushing like crazy after church service....when i reached there...they were presenting some 'wooden furniture'(don't ask me,i dunno what's going on....)
next,we had...ermm....they taught us first aid...then it was joy ma'am and yh ma'am...they were like koala bears man...so cute...(nvm and sorry for those who dunno what's going on)...then we had sort of pt....we did geometry(sick...),push-ups,sit-ups....and twinkles....with spars(that was bad...,did i spell spars correctly?)danielle was beside me holding the end of it and the other side was charlotte.... wah lao eh,it really is bad....i cried...(THIS is bad)then we did backwoodsman...quite fun...i was cutting veg....damn 'slack'...the hard came later when shuxiang's group needed help to maintain fire...and rebekah left our fire alone....and we needed twigs which i went to collect like 3 times....but everything was sorta okay...our rice was bad...very...our chicken and desert was great man...i like it....and the rest were so so....next was campfire...sian....totally sian...the skit turned out quite okay....krys was very weird(?)at her 'yes' parts... then we had evaluation....again.....sick....
....we had duty....quite ok....nothing much....*wink*

Day 3
went to fall in on the track...kz ma'am announced the cos and stuff...valerie was the cos....she was good man...then i became the IC for my group...why not charlotte?....then rebekah bacme AIC from IC...she said that she have this feeling that she was demoted...sad...then we had pt....circuit training......then we had to return punishments...ray jan and celine were good man...*cheers*next was breakfast...we had 1 hour...that's long....very....but it turned out that the ICs only got half-an-hour...next was reporting time...i did it man....
next was clearing up...sian...my group cleared the field...and this threatening face from ps ma'am came to me and said that she wanted me to be in charge of the area and i would be responsible for the rubbish found...it scared the heck out of me...and everything turned out okay...although rubbish was found...nothing happened to me....
....evaluation.....again................................................ then we wrote 'conclusions' about each other....all crap...i got stuff like...you are enthu but you are too enthu....(huh???)nvm...then that's it...camp ended...like that...
then we headed for macs with rebekah,danielle,krys,celine,huijun,xinhui and enid...we stayed until 3+.that was damn fun...the sec 2s were great man....

went home...i bathed...watch tv until i slept....i never felt so tired...(maybe....)but then after that,i miss it....i'm still missing it.....

2004-03-19T07:28:00.000+02:00

whee.at last,got a new blog after the old spoilt blog...

[*j0y*] -FreeStyLer-